Geez it has been a long time

I haven't really avoided my journal, there just seems to be so much more to do these days.

Monday was a very difficult day. It started out with notification that my dear friend, Alicia Dupler, had only 24 hours to live. She had been fighting cancer for years and was so weak and so sick. At 10pm, I got the call that she had passed. The week has been different for me. I cry for my loss in such an amazing woman and then I smile because I know that she is out of pain and that her body is whole again.

The last time I physically saw her was the Sunday before my ankle surgery. She was sick then too and in pain from the Chemo, but that didn't stop her from giving me a HUGE bear hug and praying for my surgery to be a success.

God heard her and answered her prayers. My cast is now off and I am in a walking boot and starting PT. The first night of PT was amazing. The therapist was actually able to give my ankle a DEEP muscle massage right over the Achilles tendon and it didn't hurt! WOW. He couldn't believe how much better the ankle looks compared to when I was at this point last time. It is very clear and evident that this surgery worked!

I am still working on several quilts. One of them is for a baby and I would really like to get it done before he graduates college. One is for my sister - I gave her part of it for Christmas so I should be getting it done soon. Another is a special order for a friend, she has paid a deposit so that puts the pressure on. I am also going to be showing our colt this spring and summer so I will need to make myself some Horse showy outfits. I won't do that until the last minute though because I am back in weight loss mode and should start losing the pounds and inches again.

I did send Mark (the guy from the last post) packing. I just couldn't handle his demands and the way he constantly sabatoged my efforts to lose weight. While I am nearly desparate for a man in my life, I am not so down that I will tolerate being abused or used in any way.

My dad is being stupid about the money for rent last summer. I know I owe him, but I just don't have it to give to him. I am praying that God will help me find a way to pay him so that I still have a place to live in April (he wants it by the end of March or I am out.

There are only 11 more days until I leave for my trip to San Antonio, curtosy of My Coke Rewards points. I haven't ever had a vacation to myself so I am very greatful that I was able to "earn" a free ticket. My buddy, Steph, is going to put me up for a week and we are just going to do what ever. The River Walk, the Alamo, Sew World??? I can't wait.

So, that is the jest of what is going on here in Ohio. Oh, it is very cold here these days and we keep getting snow storm after snow storm. Since I am still kinda laid up it doesn't bug me like it does others. It won't be long before people are complaining about the heat

Until next time....

Men Suck

Yep, I said it. After being out of the dating loop for about 15 years I have joined the ranks again, only to rediscover why I left in the first place. Men are just egotistical, self-serving, jerks. As much as I like being held, having my back rubbed and having someone else pay for my dinners, I will not fall victim to the games some of these idiots want to play. Like the guy I have known for 3 weeks who now insists that he loves me and misses me every minute we are not together, and yet NEVER answers the phone when I call. All hell breaks loose though when I miss a call from him or when I am not feeling up to going out. I have a friggen cast on my ankle, I am not in the mood to go out every evening - why can't he get that. His insecurity is already weighing me down, like his fear that my dad doesn't like him or the call from a Brad that was a wrong number. Then, when I invite him to go with me and my church to an event he says no, ok fine, you don't have to go. I didn't realize that his saying that he didn't want to go was some strange language for I can't go either. What they heck ? I have been my own woman for 15 years, other than my daughter I haven't had anyone to answer to for my actions and if I want to go to a museum with my church, I will be DAMNED if I am going to let a man, any man let alone one I have only known for 3 weeks make me feel guilty because of it. UGH!!

I am so sick of being alone and I am afraid that my feeling alone is going to suck me into a bad realtionship. What am I saying, I have already started one and I am afraid to let it go. All because I don't want to be alone again.

And people wonder why I turn to food for comfort. Well, not this time. Food is the enemy and is not going to comfort me. It will only hurt me and sabatoge my efforts to become the person that I have longed to be all my life.