Blah

That is the way I feel right now - just blah. I had suspected that the guy I was communicating with online and on the phone was lieing to me about various things. What I discovered was that he was actually using the cell phone I gave him to call ME on to call 3 other women (all of whom thought that they were his "girlfriend". When I called to confront him about it he never answered his home phone (I had the cell turned off) so I left him a message. He had the nerve to have his older sister call me to threaten me that I better stop calling the numbers on the phone bill or "else". Or "else" what? They live in friggen Montana over 1500 mile from me, what is she going to drive out here to beat me up? His mom assures me that I will get the phone back AND that he will somehow pay for the minutes that he used which caused me to go over my plan. I hate men!

Medifasting has become a bore right now. Everything is starting to taste the same - even the L&G. I know that the food isn't changing and I think I am dealing more with a borderline or depression issue than I am with a MF issue. I am determined to stay on plan - even though I blew it the other night with some cookies (doggone my daughter for making them!)

To fight the depression, I am continuing to sew which is still enjoyable. I have been able to complete Deanna's quilt top (Pictured above) and am planning on starting one for my sister tomorrow. I also want to make myself some fun Christmasy flannel jammies to wear in the hospital next week when I have my surgery. If I get that done, I also want to make some skirts for my neices. Since I am completely broke, Christmas is going to have to be homemade this year. That sucks for my 16 year old daughter, I remember how lame homemade stuff was when I was her age, but I can't help it. I am just lucky to be able to say I have a place to live at this point.

A bright light in the darkness is that someone from the forum has offererd to "help" me for Christmas. She said that every year she tries to pick a family to help for Christmas and she wanted to help me. What a blessing that message was. She is going to send me a Visa gift card. I suppose it could only have $10 on it, but that is more than I have right now. I will give it to Deanna and let her pick out whatever she wants with it.

Well, off to pick out the fabrics for my next projects. Gotta keep busy or the gloom will take over.

First Goal Accomplished

Well, I had set a goal to get that stocking order done and lo and behold I was able to get it done today! Now that I have those done, I am going to get started on my daughter's quilt. Since money is a huge issue this year, I am not going to be able to do much for her for Christmas, but I think I can finish the quilt for her. She recently became obsessed with zebras and the zebra coat pattern. A fabric store in our area went out of business this summer and they had some zebra print fabric on closeout. I got enough to do a number of things with since I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with it at the time. As I was digging through my collection of fabrics I found two different leopard prints. With those and the zebra I have enough to make a Double Irish Chain quilt for her bed. Kohl's has some Zebra print sheets that I would really like to get, but I don't know if the money will be there or not.

My dad is still pressing me for the money I owe him, but not quite as hard as before. He had said that I was going to have to move out on December 7th if I didn't pay the whole thing in full. Now, he said that if I can give him $100 by Sat then I can stay through Christmas. Wasn't that sweet of him - yea right - that $100 might as well be $1,000,000 for all that it matters. I have a whole $7.00 to my name right now and won't get another WC check until next Thursday.

Deanna was sick all night last night so neither of us got much sleep. Must have been a 24 hour stomach bug or something. She didn't go to school, but she was feeling well enough this evening to go to her first day at her new job. Looks like she might get tomorrow off too, if the snow comes in like it has been predicted to.

This morning I went to PT and didn't have a great weigh in. Most everyone knows that I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale too much and this was no exception. The exercise I have been doing lately has probably added some muscle mass which would add weight since it weighs more than fat. The great news is that when I got off the scale and turned around a couple of ladies gushed all over me about my weight loss. I didn't even know these ladies, but we see each other everytime I go in for PT. Their reaction to me was more than enough to forget about the numbers on the scale. I got in my exercise today by doing both my barn chores and Deanna's since she was sick. I also hauled in about 10 arm loads of firewood from out by the shed. Since we are supposed to be getting snow, I wanted to make sure we had enough dry wood in the house to last us a little while.

Goals for tomorrow - cut fabric for Deanna's quilt, sew neice's picture tote and work on other prototypes, figure out fabric rose for MMT member who asked me to make some like in a photo of Marilyn Monroe. That should keep me busy all day.

Another Gloomy Day

Leave it to Ohio to have the worst weather in the world! I am getting very tired of the gloomy, rainy days. If it is going to be cold outside, I wish it would just snow. The mud and muck is rediculous.

I did realized that when I don't come up with a bunch of excuses and other things to do, I actually can get a lot done in a little time at the sewing machine. Part of my hesitation to sew has been due to the lack of intrest in my "wares". Everyone was so supportive about me putting my purses and totes "on the market" and I got all excited about it. Problem is, nothing is selling - and I mean NOTHING! Now I have all these purses and totes made up and a bunch of money wrapped up in them and I can't even break even on them. This pisses my dad of since, in his opinion, I was able to purchase the supplies then I should have been able pay him the money I owe him. While this has some basis of truth to it, I thought that I would get a larger return on my investment, pay him off AND be able to provide a decent Christmas for my daughter. Instead, I can't do any of the above and I have an inventory of purses and totes that nobody wants to purchase.

On the up side of my life, we went to another horse awards banquet. There were several people there that hadn't seen me since I started my Medifast journey. I heard several "you look fantastic" comments which all brought a smile to my face and helped me stay away from the dessert table. I will have to say that last night was the toughest that I have spent trying to avoid cheating on the plan. Thank God for my daughter who did her best to convince me that nothing on the table was worth losing 3 days of weight loss over. She said that AS she is eating a little of everything that was up there. Oh what I wouldn't do for her metabolism. But, alas, I do not have her metabolism and so I continue with Medifast to become a healthier (and thus thinner) me.

Speaking of healthier, I am doing my best to focus on the health benefits of Medifast rather than the weight loss. My goal is to train my brain and my body to want to be healthy. I know one of the side effects of being healthy will ultimately be weight loss, but there is so much more. Being healthy will also mean less pain, more energy, and a longer life. Seeing my daughter become concerned about her body image when she is a junior's size 7 opened my eyes to what teenagers see and hear from everyone around them. Since she sees me being concerned about my weight, it would only be natural for her to follow suit. In focusing on being healthy, instead of being thin, I am hoping that she will follow that path and realize that a healthy lifestyle is much more important than a diet.

On the personal front, my relationship with my guy in Montana is waining. Loving someone is hard enough when they live close and we can be together physically. I haven't even met this guy face to face, though I do know a lot about him. Part of the problem is that I don't trust half of what he tells me. One of the first emails he sent me included a story of how he lost his last girlfriend because he lied to her. The lies were over stupid stuff, just to make him look better. Now, he tells me stories and I just blow them off like I know they are lies. I don't know if they are or not, but most of what he says is just unbelieveable. In addtion to all of that he has a cell phone on my account that we share minutes on, since we were killing my minutes by not having mobile to mobile. I very emphatically told him not to use that cell phone for calling anyone but me. He swears he isn't, but the bill tells me otherwise. Two months in a row now he has caused us to go over the anytime minutes alotment. Someone suggested I raise the minutes on the plan, but I wouldn't have to if he would just use the phone for what it was meant for - calling me. Needless to say, I just don't think this whole thing is going to work out much longer, unless I can find a way to trust him more.

So, goals for this week are to complete the order for 7 stockings and start some of the Christmas gift sewing I planned on doing this year. I know I will also have the normal chores in the barn and lugging in the firewood. It is about time to start thinking about Christmas cards too. That is usually my one big splurge for the holiday. Other things like wrapping paper and stuff, I don't mind going cheap on, but my Christmas cards always have to be "Leaning Tree" brand and usually feature horses or a farm scene. Just a thing I guess.

Now - off to the sewing machine!