Blah

That is the way I feel right now - just blah. I had suspected that the guy I was communicating with online and on the phone was lieing to me about various things. What I discovered was that he was actually using the cell phone I gave him to call ME on to call 3 other women (all of whom thought that they were his "girlfriend". When I called to confront him about it he never answered his home phone (I had the cell turned off) so I left him a message. He had the nerve to have his older sister call me to threaten me that I better stop calling the numbers on the phone bill or "else". Or "else" what? They live in friggen Montana over 1500 mile from me, what is she going to drive out here to beat me up? His mom assures me that I will get the phone back AND that he will somehow pay for the minutes that he used which caused me to go over my plan. I hate men!

Medifasting has become a bore right now. Everything is starting to taste the same - even the L&G. I know that the food isn't changing and I think I am dealing more with a borderline or depression issue than I am with a MF issue. I am determined to stay on plan - even though I blew it the other night with some cookies (doggone my daughter for making them!)

To fight the depression, I am continuing to sew which is still enjoyable. I have been able to complete Deanna's quilt top (Pictured above) and am planning on starting one for my sister tomorrow. I also want to make myself some fun Christmasy flannel jammies to wear in the hospital next week when I have my surgery. If I get that done, I also want to make some skirts for my neices. Since I am completely broke, Christmas is going to have to be homemade this year. That sucks for my 16 year old daughter, I remember how lame homemade stuff was when I was her age, but I can't help it. I am just lucky to be able to say I have a place to live at this point.

A bright light in the darkness is that someone from the forum has offererd to "help" me for Christmas. She said that every year she tries to pick a family to help for Christmas and she wanted to help me. What a blessing that message was. She is going to send me a Visa gift card. I suppose it could only have $10 on it, but that is more than I have right now. I will give it to Deanna and let her pick out whatever she wants with it.

Well, off to pick out the fabrics for my next projects. Gotta keep busy or the gloom will take over.

First Goal Accomplished

Well, I had set a goal to get that stocking order done and lo and behold I was able to get it done today! Now that I have those done, I am going to get started on my daughter's quilt. Since money is a huge issue this year, I am not going to be able to do much for her for Christmas, but I think I can finish the quilt for her. She recently became obsessed with zebras and the zebra coat pattern. A fabric store in our area went out of business this summer and they had some zebra print fabric on closeout. I got enough to do a number of things with since I didn't know exactly what I wanted to do with it at the time. As I was digging through my collection of fabrics I found two different leopard prints. With those and the zebra I have enough to make a Double Irish Chain quilt for her bed. Kohl's has some Zebra print sheets that I would really like to get, but I don't know if the money will be there or not.

My dad is still pressing me for the money I owe him, but not quite as hard as before. He had said that I was going to have to move out on December 7th if I didn't pay the whole thing in full. Now, he said that if I can give him $100 by Sat then I can stay through Christmas. Wasn't that sweet of him - yea right - that $100 might as well be $1,000,000 for all that it matters. I have a whole $7.00 to my name right now and won't get another WC check until next Thursday.

Deanna was sick all night last night so neither of us got much sleep. Must have been a 24 hour stomach bug or something. She didn't go to school, but she was feeling well enough this evening to go to her first day at her new job. Looks like she might get tomorrow off too, if the snow comes in like it has been predicted to.

This morning I went to PT and didn't have a great weigh in. Most everyone knows that I don't obsess over the numbers on the scale too much and this was no exception. The exercise I have been doing lately has probably added some muscle mass which would add weight since it weighs more than fat. The great news is that when I got off the scale and turned around a couple of ladies gushed all over me about my weight loss. I didn't even know these ladies, but we see each other everytime I go in for PT. Their reaction to me was more than enough to forget about the numbers on the scale. I got in my exercise today by doing both my barn chores and Deanna's since she was sick. I also hauled in about 10 arm loads of firewood from out by the shed. Since we are supposed to be getting snow, I wanted to make sure we had enough dry wood in the house to last us a little while.

Goals for tomorrow - cut fabric for Deanna's quilt, sew neice's picture tote and work on other prototypes, figure out fabric rose for MMT member who asked me to make some like in a photo of Marilyn Monroe. That should keep me busy all day.

Another Gloomy Day

Leave it to Ohio to have the worst weather in the world! I am getting very tired of the gloomy, rainy days. If it is going to be cold outside, I wish it would just snow. The mud and muck is rediculous.

I did realized that when I don't come up with a bunch of excuses and other things to do, I actually can get a lot done in a little time at the sewing machine. Part of my hesitation to sew has been due to the lack of intrest in my "wares". Everyone was so supportive about me putting my purses and totes "on the market" and I got all excited about it. Problem is, nothing is selling - and I mean NOTHING! Now I have all these purses and totes made up and a bunch of money wrapped up in them and I can't even break even on them. This pisses my dad of since, in his opinion, I was able to purchase the supplies then I should have been able pay him the money I owe him. While this has some basis of truth to it, I thought that I would get a larger return on my investment, pay him off AND be able to provide a decent Christmas for my daughter. Instead, I can't do any of the above and I have an inventory of purses and totes that nobody wants to purchase.

On the up side of my life, we went to another horse awards banquet. There were several people there that hadn't seen me since I started my Medifast journey. I heard several "you look fantastic" comments which all brought a smile to my face and helped me stay away from the dessert table. I will have to say that last night was the toughest that I have spent trying to avoid cheating on the plan. Thank God for my daughter who did her best to convince me that nothing on the table was worth losing 3 days of weight loss over. She said that AS she is eating a little of everything that was up there. Oh what I wouldn't do for her metabolism. But, alas, I do not have her metabolism and so I continue with Medifast to become a healthier (and thus thinner) me.

Speaking of healthier, I am doing my best to focus on the health benefits of Medifast rather than the weight loss. My goal is to train my brain and my body to want to be healthy. I know one of the side effects of being healthy will ultimately be weight loss, but there is so much more. Being healthy will also mean less pain, more energy, and a longer life. Seeing my daughter become concerned about her body image when she is a junior's size 7 opened my eyes to what teenagers see and hear from everyone around them. Since she sees me being concerned about my weight, it would only be natural for her to follow suit. In focusing on being healthy, instead of being thin, I am hoping that she will follow that path and realize that a healthy lifestyle is much more important than a diet.

On the personal front, my relationship with my guy in Montana is waining. Loving someone is hard enough when they live close and we can be together physically. I haven't even met this guy face to face, though I do know a lot about him. Part of the problem is that I don't trust half of what he tells me. One of the first emails he sent me included a story of how he lost his last girlfriend because he lied to her. The lies were over stupid stuff, just to make him look better. Now, he tells me stories and I just blow them off like I know they are lies. I don't know if they are or not, but most of what he says is just unbelieveable. In addtion to all of that he has a cell phone on my account that we share minutes on, since we were killing my minutes by not having mobile to mobile. I very emphatically told him not to use that cell phone for calling anyone but me. He swears he isn't, but the bill tells me otherwise. Two months in a row now he has caused us to go over the anytime minutes alotment. Someone suggested I raise the minutes on the plan, but I wouldn't have to if he would just use the phone for what it was meant for - calling me. Needless to say, I just don't think this whole thing is going to work out much longer, unless I can find a way to trust him more.

So, goals for this week are to complete the order for 7 stockings and start some of the Christmas gift sewing I planned on doing this year. I know I will also have the normal chores in the barn and lugging in the firewood. It is about time to start thinking about Christmas cards too. That is usually my one big splurge for the holiday. Other things like wrapping paper and stuff, I don't mind going cheap on, but my Christmas cards always have to be "Leaning Tree" brand and usually feature horses or a farm scene. Just a thing I guess.

Now - off to the sewing machine!

What a day!

Well the day started off pretty crappy! My dad and I got into an arguement over the money ($300) I owe him. He wants paid by the 7th of December or I have to get out. Just wish he could understand I am doing the best I can with what I have. So, I am praying that I am able to sell some purses and totes tomorrow at our church function to be able to catch up. I had some things to return to Sears so I just left the house and spent the day at the mall. Sears wouldn't give me my money back so I exchanged the stuff I had for an outfit I had been eyeing for weeks. With that the day got a little better. After browseing the mall for a while I came home and took care of some chores like bringing in firewood, cleaning the barns and stuff. I should be sewing, but I don't want to make up a bunch of purses that don't sell so I have decided that I am going to use what I have as samples and take my fabric samples in to take special orders. That way I won't have a bunch of fabric and time wrapped up in stuff that doesn't sell.

When I finally got a chance to slow down and check my emails I found that an old boyfriend from high school had emailed me. I haven't talked to him in AGES and I was so excited to hear from him. This may or may not cause issues with my guy in Montana that I met online. John's email was short - just to check to see if my email was the same, so I have no idea where he is in life or if anyone else is in his life. Right now I will keep my options open.

I also got an email from my buddy in Texas. Seeing mail from her always makes me smile. I feel like I have found my female soul mate. That might sound a little creapy, but I don't mean it in a homosexual way at all. She just understands me and what I am going through most of the time. Sometimes the stuff she writes in her emails, journals or on a forum we are members of could actually have come from my own finger tips. I just wish we lived closer to one another so we could spend time together, but emailing and talking on the phone is special too.

Now that I see those two paragraphs in print I find it kinda funny. The two most significant and rewarding relationships I have right now (aside from my daughter) are with people I have not met face to face. My buddy in Texas and my guy in Montana. What does that say about me? I will have to think on that for some time before I can answer that one.

Ok - so now I am off to have a Medifast shake and finish a jacket I started sewing last night. If I get it done I want to wear it to the church thing in the morning.

T-Minus 23 Days and Counting

That is how many days I have until my ankle surgery. What a struggle this has been. I fell at work on Oct 10, 2005, twisted my ankle and was taken to the ER. X-Rays showed no breaks, and nobody could explain the new lump on my Achilles tendon so I was sent home. Since I was one of only 3 people that were scheduled to open the grocery store the next day, I went to work. That ended up being a huge mistake because from that point on everyone around me assumed that if I could return to work so soon, I must be OK. About a week later I scheduled an appointment with the foot doctor that had worked on a nerve problem in that same ankle. His reaction to my problem was that I probably had a partial tear in the Achilles tendon, but that I was to heavy to even consider surgery. He gave be a list of stretching exercises to do to strengthen the tendon and told me to wear shoes had elevated my heal.

Fast forward to October 2006. Still in pain and now unable to wear regular shoes because the lump on the Achilles was so large (I had to wear sandals or clogs) I continued too complain to my doctor about the pain and other issues. His response was to tell me to buy new shoes. I was at the end of my rope so I contacted another doctor and made an appointment. Dr Janis reviewed my case and was shocked to discover that the original doctor never even ordered an MRI. One was ordered and the results were staggering. Not only did I have a partial tear in the Achilles that was continuing to shred with every step, I also had two other completely torn tendons, two torn ligaments, a heal spur and a defect in a bone in my big toe (the last two were unrelated to the accident). Surgery was the only way I was going find relief. A request was sent in to Worker's Compensation only to be denied. Turns out the first doctor never even billed them so they were confused as to how I got from a simple sprained ankle to needing surgery and why it took a year to request it. I had go to court, and I won. Then my now former employer appealed the decision and I had to go to court again and I won. The whole process took 4 months, and during that time I continued to work at a McDonald's in a manager trainee program 40 hours a week on my feet.

On March 14, 2007, I finally had the surgery. In 3 hours Dr Janis completed 6 separate procedures including all of the above and the removal of the nerve the first doctor had worked on. It was so damaged it couldn't be repaired. I was placed on strict non-weight bearing status for 10 weeks. At the end of that 10 weeks, I was sent to physical therapy. All was going well and I had just been to Dr Janis's office for a follow up. He was going to order 2 more weeks of PT and he wanted me to get orthodics. I was told to plan on going back to work at the end of that 2 weeks.

In my next PT session, I was just finishing up some walking laps in the gym when I felt a horrific pain in the Achilles Tendon and heard a loud pop. This led to an other appt and another MRI. The results from that MRI would send me into a tailspin. The Achilles was torn again and I would need another surgery to repair it. This development did not please the owners of the grocery store who fought the decision to allow the new surgery. Two more times they took me to court to fight the allowance and two more times I won the battle. In September 2007, I was finally allowed to schedule the surgery, but found out that the soonest I could get in was December 21st.

That brings me to this week, Monday to be exact - November 26. I wanted to discuss the surgery with Dr Janis and let him know how I feel about the whole thing. During that appointment, I realized that I not only have to have the Achilles repaired, but that he will also have to cut my heal bone and move it over. He will pin the heal in the correct position. I guess the year and a half of walking on it incorrectly because of the injury caused the whole thing to shift. In addition to that, he may also decide to replace the Achilles with a donor piece instead of trying to repair mine. My response to that surprised him. I told him that I would actually rather have a whole new one put in, despite the extended recovery period of a few weeks, than to just repair it and possibly have to go through this all over again. I mean he did repair it once and it didn't last.

So, I go in on December 21 in the morning. The surgery will take a couple of hours and I am expected to stay at least one night in the hospital. After the first surgery, I was in the hospital for 3 days due to the pain and being unable to control it without the morphine pump. I know I will be home for Christmas, so I am not worried about that too much. I just know that I have to have all of my gift shopping and making done by the 20th.

I suppose some folks would be nervous about such a procedure. In my case, I am actually excited. Since March 14, I have been unable to work. I have been on pain pills for much longer than that. I will be happy to get my life back and THRILLED to be able to walk normally again. Sure that won't be until Spring, but at least I am seeing a light at the end of that tunnel.

My concern now, is getting to the sewing machine and getting started on those gifts that I am making so I don't disappoint anyone on Christmas.

Just Another RAINY Monday

Ok, so Mondays are bad enough and grey rainy days are just as awful when you have to be out in them. Today was both! Since we are now so close to December, I am ready for SNOW. I know I know most people like to grump and groan and complain about that cold white stuff, but I really like it. I mean if the weather is going to be cold and wet, why not just snow. That would be so much better then such a depressing, muddy, murkey, gross, rainy day like today was. If I had not had the chance to talk to my pal in Texas I would have really been depressed (you know the whole seasonal affective mood disorder - or whatever they are calling it these days). We had a nice talk though so I found myself in a good place despite the weather.

I decided today would be a good day to try on some clothes. I have this suitcase in my closet full of clothing that I have purchased here and there since I started Medifast. Most of the stuff is from second hand clothing stores, or garage sales, but all of it is really nice and stuff I REALLY like. When I bought said items they were all too small by varying degrees and are now, slowly, beginning to fit. Today, I realized that one pair of jeans in that suitcase can now be added to my drawer since they now fit pretty well. I was also able to get out a couple of shirts and hang them in the closet. In addition to finding stuff that was too small that now fits, I also was able to purge a half a dozen shirts that used to fit fine, but are now too big. Needless to say, I actually had a nice evening cleaning out my closet and reorganizing my clothing.

I have noticed that my weightloss has slowed down, but I am not upset about that. I knew that 10 pounds a week was not going to last forever and that wouldn't be healthy anyway. I have been on the program now for 66 days, and I have lost just about 65 pounds. I am happy with an average of about a pound a day. My energy level is amazing. If someone had asked me to do some of the activities I am doing these days before MF, I would have laughed my head off. I mean, really, the other day I spent 2 hours stacking firewood which involved lugging it from one stack to another one arm-load at a time. In the past, I would have gotten out the John Deere and loaded up the bucket and used the tractor to do most of the work. I was actually disappointed today that I couldn't get out and carry some firewood or something. What I really need is a gym membership, but I can't afford that right now.

I am now comfortable with my decision to have another ankle surgery. Sure, I have known for a long time that it needed to be done. In fact, I have fought my former employer in court to get the approval to have it done. None of that helped with the anxiety of yet another surgery. Today, my doc and I had a long talk and he explained to me once again, just exactly what needs to be done and why. I am ready, now. December 21st is the big day. I asked if we could get any closer to Christmas, but they said no. I am OK with that though, God is in control of all of this and He knows best when this should be done.

So, plans for tomorrow include a trip to physical therapy to continue to prepare the ankle for the upcoming surgery and I REALLY MUST get some sewing done. If someone out there has any connection to a muse - I sure could use some inspiration about now.

Until next time....

Minus 2 Pounds Over Thanksgiving

Ok, so how many people can actually brag that they lost 2 full pounds between the Tuesday and Friday of Thanksgiving week? That was quite an accomplishment for me to say the least. In the end I really didn't feel like I sacrificed anything though, so I am pleased with how it all came out.

Just finished a Pampered Chef Cooking Show. I was nervous about that too. For one, we had a brunch style menu that included NOTHING that is allowed on my plan. Second, my parties are usually flops with a ton of no-shows. Fortuneatly for my consultant though, I did have a good turn out (whew!) I had a Medifast bar while everyone else was munching on Citrus muffins, raisin bread, fruit salad and trail mix. I would have loved to taste one of those muffins and I really would have LOVED some banana chips, but I know that I would have ended up losing ground with my weight loss, so I remained strong.

Yesterday, I spent about 2 hours walking between the log pile behind our shed and the porch lugging firewood. I could have used a wheel barrow, but I figured I would get a great workout by carrying it up one arm load at a time. I woke up sore this morning, but I feel good. My buddy sent me some exercise tapes to try for a good workout, but I haven't watched them yet. I am so uncoordinated and I know I look rediculous doing those moves and even if nobody is watching I just feel silly. As long as the weather holds up I am going to continue walking as much as I can. Now that I have Deanna excited about shaping her body, she is walking with me and the dogs so I am more motivated than ever to get out there.

I would like to do some Christmas shopping, but I am completely broke right now. I did say that I wanted to take my time this year and really consider everyone and what I want for them before I just jump in and start buying. If I could get motivated, I would like to make quilts for my neices and my sister. I have so much sewing to get done, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to sit at the machine. Once I start, I am fine and sew like a mad woman. It just seems like I can always find something else to do instead. That is really weird too, because I love to sew.????

Well, I have to email some photos to my sis, then maybe I will force myself to get moving on some sewing projects.

Happy T-Day

I relate to Thanksgiving this year as T-Day to help me remember of the trials of D-Day at the end of WWII. I knew that today was going to be difficult because of being on the Medifast Program with Take Shape for Life. I am allowed 5 Medifast products - shakes, puddings, oatmeals, bars or soups and one Lean and Green. That means our turkey dinner took on a whole new meaning for me. My supper consisted of a large salad, 7 oz of turkey breast and some mashed cauliflower (which I was trying for the first time and have to say it was darn good). While everyone else was chowing down on pie, my daughter and I took a couple of the dogs for a walk in the park.

Honestly, this wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. Since I have lost almost 65 pounds since Sept 21st, many people have noticed and have reacted very positively towards me. Those victories have been able to keep me motivated to stay on the plan and continue to work towards my goal. I started this journey at 313 pounds. At that time, I wouldn't even state how much I actually did weigh. Now that I am down to the 250's, I am OK with admitting my starting weight. My goal is somewhere around 150. I know I have a very long way to go, but I am sure I will get there. Most days I am able to take this plan one day at a time, but there have been many times when I was down to one hour at a time. A popular Medifast saying is "I can do anything for 2-3 hours" which is the interval between meals. I find myself chanting that often some days, though most of the time I don't even think about it anymore.

I call this my "Medi-zone". Now that I have found that place where I am just coasting through the program, I am content with what I am doing. At this point the plan has become habit. Sure, I still crave a bacon egg and cheese bagel from McD's sometimes, but I work through that craving by reminding myself of why I chose to start Medifast. I want to be alive to enjoy my daughter's life, I want to watch her graduate from high school and go to college, fall in love and all that stuff. I want to be a part of her life, not just standing on the sidelines watching. She is very active and leaves me in her dust right now, and I am not happy with that situation. When I remind myself of the many reasons I chose this path, I am able to get over those cravings.

Sure the apple pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate chip cookies and sweet breads all looked very good and I REALLY wanted to chow down on some of them. That would have kicked me out of ketosis (fat burning stage) for at least 2-3 days. Those days would have been spent on the program trying to get back to where I was - back tracking - in my opinion, wasting time and money. Everytime I knock myself out of ketosis, I spend those 2-3 days catching up when I could have spent them losing fat. Medifast is not cheap, but it works. As long as I remember the investment I have made both financially, and physically to this program I am able to stay compliant to the plan.

I am a member of a forum and I try to help others through this program. Many of the members are genuinely trying to succeed, but many are self sabatoging themselves into oblivian. I get so frustrated with them constantly posting that they cheated her or messed up there. "OOPPS, I fell off the plan again today, just like I did yesterday and the day before." They are so blaze' about it as if they have no concern. They don't realize the damage they are doing.

I have this one friend who realized that she was falling into that trap so she decided to take a "time out" to re-evaluate her situation and decide if she wanted to recommit herself to the plan. She was the smart one! She realized how much time and energy AND MONEY she was wasting by constantly falling victim to a sandwich here and an extra snack there. By taking time off the plan and considering her options she realized how she was sabatoging her own success. Now she is ready to get back on and go gung ho toward her goal. I totally applauded her decision to take a break and evaluate her situation, but others on the forum chose to beat her up and kick her while she was down. She got responses saying how hard it would be to get back on and what a bad idea this was. Such hipocracy drove me insane. I finally blew my top and posted my "keep it real" post that really stirred the proverbial pot. It is bad enough to lie to each other, but for GOD'S sake, we HAVE to quit lieing to ourselves. She was doing that and I admire her courage to do so.

Ok, so - tomorrow is the "official" start to the Christmas season. I am NOT getting up at 3am to get to stores by 4am to fight for some silly item that is marked 1/2 off. This year, I am going to focus on who I am giving gifts to. I want to put some effort into gifting this year, not just get whatever looks good and is cheap. I know I can find "just the right gift" for each person on my list and still not go completely broke, if I just take my time and consider each person. This is where "its the thought that counts" comes into play. I plan on making the thought count by actually THINKING about it. I may even make most of my gifts, if I can get away from the computer and get in front of the sewing machine.

Speaking of getting away from the computer. I should be doing that now. I am putting a period at the end of another Thanksgiving. I find that I am thankful for many blessings and even some not so blessed things in my life that make up who I am. Most of all I am thankful for my God, who I know loves me and wants the best for me. He has guided me to at least one very important person in my life this year and blessed me with many memories with my daughter and other family members. I am not finacially rich, not even close, but I am truely blessed.

A New Chapter Begins Today

Thanksgiving Eve. Most folks don't find any significance to the evening before Thanksgiving except to begin preparations for the big feast. Utill this very minute, I have not ever afforded any significance to this day. I now vow to change that, for the eve before Thanksgiving should be a time we use to prepare ourselves to be Thankful. Sure, in a perfect world we would all be thankful for all of our blessings everyday we live. Everyone is blessed in some way, shape or form and we are often told that we should count those blessings and remember to be grateful for what we have, but do any of us REALLY do that on a daily basis? I doubt it.

What does it mean to be thankful or full of thanks? And who is it that we should be "giving" thanks to? To be thankful is to acknowledge the things and people in our lives that make getting up in the morning just a little easier, to appreciate each gift that has been given to us; both tangible and intangible, to fully understand the good that is present in our day to day existance.

Who do we give thanks to? We should give thanks to any and all who are responsible for all that is good in our lives. For me, that means first and foremost, God. For without God I am lost in this world. Others responsible for my joy are my parents, my daughter and other family members. I would also need to thank my dear friends for adding spice and laughter and animation to my daily existance. That person on the side walk today that smiled and said "Hi" also deserves thanks for adding a bright moment to an otherwise dreary, rainy day. I think I might have to thank the horses that allow me to cry on their strong necks and listen to my fears and worries without ever passing judgement on me. Then, what about Tucker, my dog, who is always the happiest to see me when I walk in the door and who never fails to let me know that he loves me no matter what? I think he deserves thanks too.

Most humans take life so seriously. We worry about money, time, taxes, food, weight, hair, car repairs and so many other things. I want to begin to live my life as if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. How much more would I appreciate the so-called "little things"? Does it really matter if my hair doesn't do just what I wanted it to today? Is it really important for me to check of everything on the "To-Do List" today? I don't think so, I think that spending time with my daughter, watching her ride or discussing her latest crush is much more important than anything else I can think of right now.

So, my preparation on this Thanksgiving Eve is to slow down and count the 10 most important aspects of my life that I am thankful for (in no particular order) ....

1. My daughter

2. The rest of my family

3. A GOD who loves me even when I fail

4. A place to call home, not just a place to live

5. My 5 senses, all working and in great condition

6. The serenity of the barn

7. Medifast

8. Tucker

9. My friend in Texas, whom I feel closer to than my sisters sometimes

10. My church family

And as I look toward the Christmas season my hope is that I do not lose sight of that list. May I continue to realize all that is good in my life and recognize that not all people have as much to be thankful for. I desire to be the one that can brighten someone's day, or to help someone in a way that nobody else can. I hope to remember that, though I may not be rich, there are millions of people who have less than I do.

I remember working at McDonnalds last Christmas season. It was a horribly cold day and I was miserable working in the drive-thru booth. A woman pulled up, placed her order and paid and I took the next car's order. That car was full of children and one frazeled woman just trying to get her chores done and get home for the day. Before the first car pulled away she handed me a $20 bill and told be to apply it to the order of the car behind her. She did not know the woman or any of the children, but she felt that God wanted her to help. I only wish that she could have seen the tears in the eyes of the woman she helped. Her order totaled $19.80. She was, indeed, at the end of her emotional rope and desparately needed this blessing in her life. I hope that in some way, I am able to do for someone what one woman did for another that day.

So, Thanksgiving will be a day for me to reflect on all that I have that is positive in my life. It will also be a time for me to review the negative and decide if there is any of it I can change. If I can, I hope to make those changes. If I cannot, I hope to be able to let it go.