Well, maybe "pouting" isn't quite the right word, maybe "sulking" is more accurate. I am suffering from a case of cabin fever from being shut in the house at least days a week since my surgery. The only time I get out is when I go to my doctor's appointments and to ride with my daughter to Mansfield to go snowboarding. We did go to church on Sunday and that was nice, but I would have liked to stay for the class after church and Deanna wanted to go home, so we went home. While I am doing my best to keep busy by sewing or working on other projects, I can't sit at the machine for too long without causing pain or at least discomfort in my ankle, hip and back. I found myself on the couch watching mindless TV shows all day today. This isn't like me at all! Since I started my nutrition program I have been active by working in the barn, bringing in firewood or walking at the nearby arboritum, but I can't do any of that right now because of my ankle surgery. The whole farm is one big mud pit right now so I can't even work my way out to the barn to say hi to the horses. At least if the ground were dry or (even better) frozen, my little scooter thing that I get around on would make it out to the barn. As it is I am pretty much stuck in the house or, at best, on the porch. I am not sure if I can do 4 more weeks of this without having a break down! I don't have much choice though do I ?
My parents are observing a sort of truce at this point, well they aren't yelling at each other at any rate. That might be because they really aren't speaking to each other either. I just hate the way my dad treat people in general, especially the way he treats my mom and the rest of us in the household. He acts like he is supreme ruler and we must all bow to his wishes, like it or not and when things don't go his way he just blows up. Nothing pleases him and I am really getting sick of living this way. I don't have any other options at this point, though, so I guess I will just have to deal with it.
I am fighting to stay with my nutrition program. The last time I had surgery I gained a bunch of weight which put my at my all time high of 313 pounds. I have lost about 70 pounds of that since I started the program on Sept 21, 2007, but I had to go off the plan for a time to prepare for surgery. If being off the plan didn't accomplish anything else, I at least learned that I am not ready to have "free rein" with food yet. I was hoping that I was going to be able to add a few more healthy calories and yet stay reasonable about eating. WRONG!! Even though I was aware of the potential for problems I let go too far. I over indulged in too many sweets which have always been my pitfall. My new goal for this program is to be able to "deal" with foods better when I get to a point that I am ready to start transition and maintenance.
This week is teaching me all about emotional eating and eating because of being bored. While this has been a struggle, I am at least learning something from it. If I can get through this time while I recover from the surgery, being stuck at home and unable to be active without succombing to my cravings for food, I will be able to use these lessons when I am off the program. Putting this all in a journal will make it easier for me to remind myself of my issues with food and emotional eating.
Goals for this week... 1. Finish the scrubs I am making for my doctor in time to take them to my appointment on Thursday.
2. Complete my sister's quilt to give to her on Sunday 3. Finish diaper bag my friend ordered for her daughter before the baby is born 4. Finish at least the top of the snowboarding quilt I started 5. stay on program
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I know you can do this girlie! Great job being accountable by writing out your goals. To me it's easier to stick to them when I tell someone else what they are. Then I have to think, 'would I really want to tell RM that I didn't /stay on plan/ exercise/ drink all my water/ report daily?' When the answer is NO then I don't do it (hehe, most of the time)
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